HOW TO DEAL WITH CRITICISM.

It’s okay to make mistakes because you learn, it’s okay for someone to point out your mistake because then you get better but what’s not okay is to beat yourself up. So, criticism really comes in 3 different formats - There’s destructive negative criticism and then there’s constructive criticism, then there’s the worst one of all which is you being a critic to yourself and just as there are three ways of criticism coming at you, there are three ways of dealing with it. 

Let’s start with self-criticism that is the worst one on the voice in your head that says you can’t do that, you’ll mess it up, you’ll never get it right, you’re just not good at that. I want you to change that voice to a cheerleader, a parent that dotes on you a teacher who thinks you’re the best thing in the world and I want you to hear that voice say, “yeah! you can do it, you are amazing and this is your area of excellence.” Like teachers always encourage students to work hard, parents praise their children similarly I want you to become a loving parent to yourself, a praising teacher and a cheerleader that always says, “Yes, you can do this. This is a like a walk in the park or you have the skills, the talent you’ve built, that book you’ve read, you know all the answers, you’ve studied everything.” So, that’s how you stop being your own worst critic flip it over and if you are saying, “I always mess it up” start saying, “I’ll get it right, I always forget that I’ve got a great memory and I’ll make the most of it.” 

The second one is when you are dealing with a critic who says, “Oh! I don’t know why you even volunteered to speak. You’re so wooden, it’s an insult to wood.” And now you have to decide to not let that in. Critical people have the most criticism reserved from themselves. They reflect you out that they are very unhappy with them and you have to choose to not share their negativity. When someone says, “Oh! That speech you gave was awful.” You just go, “Thanks for sharing. It was my first time I was learning and I actually really enjoyed it. They are going to get better and better.” Don’t get defensive for instance in frustration you might say, “How dare you said that.” Just go by saying, “Thanks for sharing. There’s a room for improvement and I am getting better at it day by day.” And if they say really mean things remember they’re having a bad day don’t let it in. Some individuals are critical by nature and do not always realise that they are hurting the feelings of another person. The key thing to remember is that whatever the circumstance is, don´t respond in anger as this will cause a scene and create bad feelings – and possibly a bad image of you. People, who criticise everything or make scathing remarks to be hurtful are the ones that need help – not you!

Now let’s move to Constructive criticism when your boss says, “Look you’re really good on your own but you just don’t seem to have proper skills or you’re really good at sales but actually you’re terrible at presenting.” Look for the compliment in there and decide that you’ll learn. When people give you constructive criticism, it helps you to grow. For instance, I always ask for constructive criticism. When people read my blogs I ask them - what did they like the most and what did they like the least. Certainly, it really helps me grow.

Napolean said, “A man who never made a mistake never made anything.” It’s okay to make mistakes because you learn. It’s not okay to give yourself a hard time. Use criticism wisely and as a learning experience.  See if it is possible to learn a little about how others perceive you, you may be able to use criticism to improve your interpersonal skills.

Remember - Don’t criticise yourself, don’t let in destructive criticism but learn and grow. Let in constructive prism because it’s there to help you.