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7 STEPS TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING.

Be honest! Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have trouble saying no, setting boundaries or are you tortured by the idea that someone might now like you. So, today we’re talking all about people pleasing. Some people can’t help but want everyone around them to like them, sometimes at the sacrifice of their own needs and desires. No more! The only person I want you to please is you. According to researches, people pleasers want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked of them to keep it that way. They put everyone else before themselves. It is said, for some saying “yes” is a habit and for others it’s almost an addiction that makes them feel like they need to be needed. This makes them feel important and like they’re contributing to someone else’s life so here’s what you can do to start saying “no” to others and say “yes” to yourself.

Welcome to - LIVE BOLD AND BLOOM WITH ISHIKA.


1.) Internal Validation - Most people pleasers are desperate for validation and appreciation. They want to feel needed so they become over-the-top helpful and say yes to everyone. This makes their confidence purely based on external forces, the approval of others and not internal forces. I want you to rely on internal validation not external. The best way to fight people-pleasing is to build up what makes you feel good. If you feel good you don’t need others to make you feel good. Do activities that make you feel like a baller. Hand around with people who make you feel awesome without having to do anything for them. Remind yourself that you already have a lot going for you. People pleasing is an addiction that pleases no one. 


2.) Start with small noes - It’s hard to go cold turkey on pleasing people so start with small noes. For example, if you don’t really want to go to a party but you feel guilty say, you’ll go but you’ll be there a little late so you don’t have to stay the whole night. If someone wants to grab dinner, do a shorter coffee date instead. See how you can start saying small noes to get the practice in to say the bigger ones. 


3.) Give yourself time - It’s extremely hard to say no to someone’s personal request and it’s even hard when you’re a people pleaser. So, when a friend ask you to help him/her a new outfit, your default answer is “sure” or when a colleague asks you to be a part of their project without thinking you say “okay” but then immediately you regret it and then you’re angry at them and angry at yourself. That’s why not to even try to give an answer immediately make a rule that if someone asks you for something, your default answer should be “let me get back to you” or you can say that you have to check your schedule or your to-do list. Just buy yourself time then you have some space to think about it and respond on e-mail or text with a polite no. This is so much easier than doing it in person and gives you time to make the right choice. 


4.) Know your goals - It’s much easier to say to other people’s lives when you know what you’re saying “yes” to in your life. Once a week sit down and reevaluate your long-term goals and short-term goals for the week. You should know what you’re doing this week that will eventually bring you closer to where you want to be in five years. When you have this clear in your head, it’s so much easier to say no to requests because you have to make time for your goals right away. So my questions are where do you want to be in five years time? What are you doing right now to get yourself there? The answers to these questions will make it easier for you to focus on you. 


5.) Get rid of toxic people - As you’ve been reading this blog, is there one specific person you’ve been thinking of? You might have a toxic person in your life who is constantly asking you for things that you’re sucked into pleasing them. If you have a toxic person in your life please get them out. 


6.) Stop apologising - When you say no, say it with meaning. Don’t apologise because you’ve to prioritise, don’t feel bad that you’ve some things you’ve to take care of, you’re standing up for you and remember if you don’t stand up for you no one else will. I know you can do it and it’s time to stop people-pleasing and start doing what’s right for you. Remember, I am rooting for you


7.) Set a time limit - If you agree to help someone, set a time limit. You don’t have to justify your limits or make excuses for why you need to leave. State your limits and let that be that. 


Last but not the least; Remember - 

You can’t please everyone, you’re not pizza. XD


If you enjoyed this content feel free to visit here. Be sure to follow on Instagram @live.boldandbloom We have several different articles related to Personal Development and Lifestyle Improvement you might also enjoy! Directly in our website you will find additional Bonus Content and great resources!

Comments

Siddh Dhingra said…
Beautifully written
21 April 2021 at 23:19
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